My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
