I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
