At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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