after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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