Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
