life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
