It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
