nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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