Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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