i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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