Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Terrible idea I love it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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