The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need a beard to bite.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize