i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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