he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She bit a glass in half.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
there is glitter all over my balls
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