your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
