What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
