He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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