Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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