its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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