It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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