take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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