peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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