If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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