Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
