I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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