I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
