The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
