This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
