Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize