How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
