you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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