What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
In America we eat man semen.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
