Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Soap is not a condiment
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
