brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
