True but thats because hes a fetus.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
