i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just forgot I was standing up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
