how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
