I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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