good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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