Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize