i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
