Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
