The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
