Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
