i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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