we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
