What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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