Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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