the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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