just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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