my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
