chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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