yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
barbara walters just said penis...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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