You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
