Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
