You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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