How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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