They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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