yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
