Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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