Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
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So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize