So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
