Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
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Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.