sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.