I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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