I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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