there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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