I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize