Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
