mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it was like eating out sand paper
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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